itstopped | Re-Entry 16: Video

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Re-Entry 16: Video

((Backdated to before Racetrack's disappearance, sometime after this thread.))

[Private to Trip, CC: Dean]

[Honestly, as remarkable as what's happened is, it's almost as remarkable that Felix is the first one to notice. He just really doesn't spend that much time in his own quarters anymore. But he stops by to pick something up, and that's when he notices the changes. Specifically, this one, which is why the camera is currently on what looks like a very standard shower.]

...Trip? [If he sounds completely bewildered, it's only because he is.]

[Friends filter (if you think you're on it, etc. Including you, Morgana.)]

I, um... I graduated today. [He still doesn't really sound like he believes it.] And for those of you who know what I was thinking about why I hadn't, I think I was right, because I'm not really sure what I'm going to do next. But... whatever happens, I wanted to say... thank you. To all of you. You deserve to hear that.

Actually, that's not entirely true. I do know one thing I'm going to do next. [He smiles slightly.] The CES showed me Picon once, just once... I'm going to go to the pub, get a bottle of something, and go sit there until it shows up again. Feel free to join me.

[Private to Racetrack and Claire Bennet, separately]

I'd like to ask you a question.

[Public]

[And this one is from the CES, later, when he seems to have found both his bottle and his world. He's sitting on a long stretch of beach, a low grassy hill rising behind him, the wind and salt in his hair; and even though the sun brings out all his imperfections -- how pale he's become under the olive tones of his skin, the shock of gray hair at his temples, the dark rings under his eyes -- he looks younger and softer than he ever has before. He takes a drink from the bottle and rubs a hand over his mouth.]

Does anyone know... has anyone ever stayed on this ship without becoming a warden?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[But why Felix, that doesn't make sense. She almost says nothing, because she just doesn't know how to parse this in a way that's fair: it's her instinct to be angry, and hurt, and she knows that isn't right. But she had wanted to see his home, and wonders if maybe it would be easier face to face.]

Leave the door open.

[That's all, she doesn't wait for a reply, because if he'd rather not have her, she'll find a closed door and that will be that. She half wonders if it's only an accident that lets her see this.

Inside, she walks along the beach slowly, looking out at the ocean as she makes her way toward him.]

[Felix doesn't reply, either. There's a part of him that's not sure why he included her, because they're not friends anymore, because he himself made sure of that and she certainly didn't seem to have any objections. Except... if there's one thing he's come to grips with lately, it's that it's never that simple. She's stuck, and as long as she's stuck there's a part of her that will be dangerous, but there's also a part of him that cares about her anyway. That can't just write her off. That's missed her.

The world she steps into is honestly beautiful: apparently the Admiral finally gave him a break in more than one way. The sand is dark and rough, the sky very pale, but the sea is an endless and incredibly deep blue. The beach curves around into a great rocky outcrop in the distance, forming a calm little bay here, warm and sheltered. On the other side, the grassy knoll stretches into a series of long, low hills, eventually fading into distant mountains. Two moons hang low in the sky.

And here's Felix with his arms around his knees, barefoot with his pants rolled up, caught almost in a trance. It takes him a while to notice her coming up, but when he does he smiles, despite everything, and surreptitiously wipes at his eyes.] Hey. [He offers her the bottle.]

[It feels as much like a fairytale as the young Felix must have thought she was; two moons, blue water, she can imagine stories being set on beaches like this. He takes a while to notice, and she wonders why - and when he wipes at his eyes, she at least does him the courtesy of dropping her own.]

Hello.

[She takes it, sniffing before she sits down beside him, at a comfortable distance. He's been missed, too; she's missed all the people she pushed away. It was easier with him, because he pushed too, and now that he's not, she's uncertain how to broach things.]

Is this what you always drink? [Is it that terrible, burning swill he gave her in the pub.]

No, it's... I forget. I just picked up the first thing I saw. It's not very good, either. [His smile goes apologetically lopsided, but it restores itself when he looks around, letting his hands fall back to his knees.]

This is where I grew up.

[She takes a small sip and hands it back, though not without a small grimace for the taste. She's done enough drinking lately.]

It's lovely. I wish I'd seen the sea more, but I don't think it would have looked like this.

[The beach feels isolated, in her mind, but she doesn't mind it in the least.]

It is-- it was a little different in real life. There was a dock here, boats, people... a harbor on the other side of that. [He nods towards the outcrop.] And an even bigger one, further north. And there... [He twists to point out the hills behind them.] That's where the houses started.

[She turns to see where he points, takes it all in, and for a moment she's tempted to illustrate it for him, to use the sand and her magic to form the outlines and build a community.

she doesn't, though. Magic has never been his friend, and she hates that she's willing to hide something of herself because he's talking to her again.]

Where was your house?

About a klick away or so? Up and down a few of these hills. Frakking painful, trying to bike here in the summer... [He twists back around and leans back on his hands, and now the glazed look that was in his eyes is easier to make out: there's an ache there, but also a wistfulness he's allowing himself for the first time in years. If he'd known what she was thinking, he might even want her to, just to map out the shape of things again.] No wonder I was so skinny.

[There's a faint smile lurking in the corners of her mouth.]

I can only imagine. Did you work here, on the docks?

Work? No, no, coming here was just for fun. [You know, that thing you both used to have once, Morgana.]

The whole time I lived here, I was in school, right up until the day I shipped out. The Fleet was the first job I ever had... [His smile quirks strangely again. He reaches for the bottle, takes a drink.] And the last, of course.

[Are you sure, fun sounds like a pipe dream.]

Would you choose differently? [She didn't miss the wistfulness.] Would you go back, spend more time here?

I would have died here. [That's not necessarily a no.]

That's not what I asked. Even a day longer - would you have?

What's the point? [Unsurprisingly, his smile has faded completely now. He reaches out and scoops up a handful of sand, lets it spill through his fingers.] This... illusion, whatever this is, this is probably what it looks like now. Empty, barren. I'd need to take anti-radiation meds just to set foot on it.

If I'd stayed, if I'd done this or that... I'm not saying there aren't things I wouldn't do differently now, but I didn't. I did exactly what I did.

I don't know.

[That's one of her problems; she doesn't know the point to any of this.

Leaning forward on her knees, she stares out at the sea again.]

What would you do differently, then?

Stayed the frak away from Gaius Baltar, for one. [He scowls, then shakes his head, letting another scoop slip away.] But there was no way I could have known what a bad idea that was at the time. There are other things... I let my goals get ahead of my judgment, sometimes. I can see that now. I'm not saying I wouldn't have still mutinied -- just that I would have planned it a little better.

How? [She's turned back to him, gaze a little sharper. Some of the things they'd done were so similar, in certain ways, that she's a little too intense, a little too hopeful that he could give her some insight.]

[He looks up at her now, his own eyes sharp and questioning, even protesting.] Why? [He doesn't want to talk about this, he's already said, so why is she pressing it? It doesn't matter. It's over. That part of his life... whether or not he dies now, it's still over.]

What does it matter?

[She breathes in, holds it for a few seconds, and breathes out again, digging the toes of her boots into the sand. She looks away.]

I suppose it doesn't. Forget I asked.

I don't-- [Understand, he starts to say, but then he changes his mind as he looks at her.] I'm not going to go back. I'm not going to change anything. It would all just be hypothetical.

[She wonders if that's what it takes to graduate, and suddenly she wants desperately to talk to Ivy. She wants someone to tell her that it's all right, that it's good to hold tight to whatever convictions she has left.

She doesn't think Felix is that person, though, so she nods slowly.] So you know what you won't do. All that's left is to decide what you will.

[The funny part is, if she'd asked that, he would have. He'll never take back the mutiny, not even if he changed everything else. He'll never change his mind about that, that it was the right thing to do. Just... different. Just better.

He knows the answer, in fact, that he didn't want to give her; he knows exactly what he would have done. It's... an unsavory answer, not one he likes, but one he knows would have worked: he would have had to forgive Lee Adama.

But hey, if there's one good thing about dying, it means that he never has to actually deal with that outcome. Now, he shrugs, relaxes a little, leaning back on his hands again.]

The million-cubit question.

[It's a wonder they got as close as they did; misjudgments have littered their relationship. But it's probably for the best: forgiveness is the last thing that Morgana wants to hear, the last thing she ever wants to give.

Her brow creases just slightly - what's a cubit - but she can guess well enough not to bother asking.]

Do you think you'll stay here? Be a warden?

[He snorts.] A warden? Gods, no.

[She smiles a touch wryly, glad for that. It fades slowly.] How long will you stay, then?

Re-Entry 16: Video

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