Re-Entry 10: Text/Voice/Spam

[itstopped]

[Private Text to "Wasp"]

I hear you have a talent for finding information.

[Private Text to Merlin]

I changed my mind. I'd like to know who it was.

[Private Voice to Morgana]

I need to talk to you.

[Spam for Narvin]

[Felix has practically been living at the lab lately, both before and after the port -- in fact, probably now more than ever, more or less only leaving to move to the engine room or take five minutes for a meal or a shower. It's late, at the end of Narvin's day, when he approaches the Time Lord, looking hesitant.]

Narvin?

[This whole thing is about trust, and he doesn't trust Narvin... but in this case, that works to his benefit, because he already knows he doesn't trust Narvin.] I wondered if I could ask a favor of you.

[Spam for Racetrack]

[Part of the reason for his sabbatical from social living is her. He said he'd stay out of her way, and he meant it. He's really tried to... But it's a small ship, and there are only so many ways to avoid someone, which is how on one of his rare trips to the mess he winds up standing right next to her on the line.]

Comments

[Spam]

[itstopped]

You're still making excuses. [Just like him -- they're too similar. He shakes his head, running a hand agitatedly through his hair.] I'm not saying I don't understand making a mistake, but this... What happens if someone hurts you again? What happens if this place lashes back out at you? You know it will. It does it to all of us. It did to me.

[Spam]

[youwillgotohell]

[Maybe none of us can, she thinks again, and when she draws a breath it's like there's a knife, a sword between her ribs again.]

And what will you do?

[Spam]

[itstopped]

Not that. I'm not going to punish the people on this ship for something the Admiral did. [Only he had, hadn't he? The mutiny-- plenty of innocent people had gotten caught in the crossfire then. The town's reminder of that still stings fresh in his mind. He turns away, digging his fingers into his eyes.]

I'm tired of getting people hurt. [It's harder-edged, but this time the bite isn't directed at her. Not entirely.] I'm not going to do it anymore.

[Spam]

[youwillgotohell]

[She can see the lines where they differ, now, and their feet are planted firmly on opposite sides. He's tired of people getting hurt, and she's tired of being hurt. Because he's probably right - maybe she will strike out again, maybe something will drive her mad enough, or maybe she'll stop caring entirely.

And it would be easy, in most cases. To distance herself from whatever affection she still feels for people like Felix, because revenge and anger are easier emotions to hold close.]

What shall I tell you? 'Don't trust me, I may make another mistake?' Is that what you want to hear?

[Spam]

[itstopped]

Of course that's not what I want to hear. [He turns back to her, and the lines aren't only drawn in the sand: they're on his face, signs of weariness and years brought on too soon, signs of too much stress for much too long. He can't even be thirty yet, but the hair at his temples is turning gray, and he looks so tired for all the fire still in his eyes.

He knows what he wants to hear, but he also knows now that it wouldn't be enough even if she did say it. Look at the others: Dean has gotten almost all the answers right, Barbara has gotten them all right, and he still can't trust them, or himself with them. How could he with her?

He shakes his head and retreats, goes to pour himself a drink, trying to lock it down -- his feeling for her, all that camaraderie and affection. She's not Dee, and even Dee betrayed him in Silent Hill.] You don't have to say anything else.

[Spam]

[youwillgotohell]

[She swallows the impulse she still feels to smooth things over, to make him look at her. She tells herself she should have known better than to trust anyone.]

But it's all you will hear. [It comes out as nearly a snarl, and she looks him over, taking in the gray hair, the exhaustion. Her jaw clenches.]

I didn't have to say anything to begin with. [But she trusted him, and now she wonders if trust is just the greatest fallacy in life. She turns and pulls open his door, sweeping out with as much dignity as she can, forcing her head to stay up.]